Airplane Etiquette: Who Gets the Armrest?

Hi I just, 2 days ago departed from the flights of hell,both ways. Children who needed super nanny one way and a really obnoxious person the home flight,needless to say,airlines GET a CLUE! Five hr. flight,no less! Wish I could of drove,but I too,think the airlines need to do something about the arm rests,etc etc. How about LARGER seating area,could help,uhm,who would ever think of that!

I am a big lady, but I try to get an aisle seat and stay out of other people's way. I also am handicapped, and by law, the airlines are supposed to give us an aisle seat in the first six rows, with armrests on the aisle which lift. Yeah, right. However, flight attendants simply will not intercede for any reason. I had a flight, while the very big gentleman in the seat before me put his seat back all the way, and proceeded to play and bounce his toddler in the air, etc. This guy was invading into me, no joke. His bouncing his me ten or twelve times and NO ONE IN OUR AISLE COULD GET OUT OF THEIR SEAT TO GO TO THE REST ROOM. I had to beg him to sit forward long enough to go to the bathroom. When I asked the flight attendant to please ask him to at least NOT BOUNCE, she said she couldn't. I then asked for a large tomato juice, no ice, and told her I intended to drink it, or in the event, he attacked me with his seat again, it might just end up on his head. After all, the individuals across the aisle, and beside me could attest to the fact that the guy was WAY BACK INTO WHAT SHOULD BE THAT TINY LITTLE SPACE IN FRONT OF YOU. Finally, she did say, sir, you must quit bouncing, while I was out of my seat, as you are hitting the armrest when you bounce, which he was. He got all out of shape and got nasty with her, but she then suggested that he would like to speak to security when they landed, and he put his seat up and quit bouncing. They only get upset when they are the ones being pounced on.

Weel as an ex flight attendant I can tell you that manners on a plane are worse than ever however I do remember a flight where I was the lead attendant working in first class. A prominent actor of the time boarded, sat down, took off his shoes and after the flight took off proceded to place his feet on the seat back in front of him. I was appalled, but could not say anything....he was a paying client. It was not the first time I encountered rudeness while flying nor has it been the last. I prefer an aisle seat so that I can move around more easily. Now they want to add more injusry by charging us more for a seat request. I remember the days when flying was a special ocassion & people dressed up. Not today. Many times people do not even shower. YUK!

I chuckled when I read Lisa's question because I only fly about twice a year. But I have ridden next to businessmen (I say men because this is what I've experience) who immediately flip down the arm rest & put their arm on it with little consideration for the passenger next to them. Unlike most airplane travelers who sit next to the person & never say a word the entire flight, I'm the opposite (I can hear some of you thinking, "Boy, I hope I NEVER wind up next to this guy!"). I work in Human Services & grew up in the South. So after my fellow passenger(s) get settled, I always introduce myself & ask a question ("Are you from this area? Do you travel alot? Etc."). The response I get is one of two ways. Either, "My name's Bob (PERIOD!)" & "I travel about every month." This type of person I know wants to be left alone & not bothered. But the last time I flew I sat next to the CEO of a company & we had a nice dialogue. Point being is... if the person converses with you ask openly about the armrest. If they seem "stuffy" I just mind my business.

I have a great GLARE. I inherited it from my father who was a really sweet non violent person but. . . .if he was displeased you knew it by the glare. It didn't frighten me but I did get the message. I've used it myself on my kids. . . my daughter who is close to me said it scared her so maybe it's not so great at that and other peoples kids just react immediately. they stop what ever they are doing, their mmouths drop open ad they just look stunned. Then I laugh and smile and ask them to stop doing what they are doing because it upsets me and then glare again. Not perfect but it helps. They know there is a really scary person in here. also I'm very good at including a NO if they take it up again. Parents aren't helpful they just get upset at me because "they're just little kids" comment seems to be a common excuse for non-parenting.

Everyone has a mouth. It is reasonable and neccessary to communicate your wishes to the people next to you. If they don't wish to compromise, then call the steward or stewardess and let them arbitrate. Most of us are not mind readers. There are insensitive people and they need to be poked and prodded to respond. There are times when I should have spoken up but didn't. Guess what? The guy who was splayed out next to me was sound asleep and couldn't give a flip about me. That doesn't happen any more. Just wake 'em up and be soft but firm. "If you don't get out of my space, I'm going to break your kneecap."

Recently made several trips visiting various children. (American Airlines, Southwest, and Northwest) I request aisle seats. I have not had armrest wrestling but I have had problems with people bumping into me without any apology as they move to restrooms etc. It is especially awful when they are boarding and putting their "carry-ons" overhead. I have been clunked, knocked in the head by back-packs and it is as though they don't even see a human being in the seat! Not long ago I found a cartoon that showed the person behind a seat reclined into his face. I began to carry it with me and several times leaned over so the person whose head was practically in my lap could read it! They sometimes scowled at me but they did raise the seats!

I just figure that whoever takes over the armrest gets it. It's not that big of a deal to me. I prefer a window seat but am annoyed by the people who will not get up or put their tray up to let me out so I can use the restroom or get into the overhead compartment. My biggest peeve is the kicking kid sitting behind me. I've gotten very good at glaring at them with a scary look (the one that mean old aunt or grumpy spinster grade school teacher gave you) while telling them to stop it. If they don't stop it I inform them in low even toned street-wise voice that I am going to throw them off the plane...before it lands. They usually stop. Kicking kids are everywhere; in movie theaters, buses, airplanes, etc. Parents must teach their kids not to do that. I taught my wild boys not to kick the seat in front of them when they were young. They are 29 and 30 years old now and still don't kick the seat in front of them. Parents, it can be done.

I'm a heavy person and I always ask for isle seats so I can lean towards the isle instead of people and also it's hard to get in and out if you are big because of the limited space. So I think everyone gets the armrest to his or her left if on the right side of the plane and the opposite if on the left side of the plane. That would make things comfortable. But if there's a center then people next to the isle use the armrest towards the isle and the center person is a lucky to have two armrests. It's amazing what dirty looks one can get it big.

One of the worst examples was a VERY tall man who was so rude to the woman at the gate I was shocked, as was my teenage daughter. When he got onto the plane, he was in the seat in front of us, proceeded to remove his shoes, place his feet on the bulk head and slam back the seat. The flight was loud with his political commentary, constant pushing back of the seat...until I simply slid ahead and sacraficed my comfort by keeping my knee firmly planted in his back (even when he moved) for three more hours. The louder he got, the more I "shifted" my comfort zone to further implant my knee. My fanny hurt for days, but I'll never forget the scowl I got from him as he got off the plane. It was a simple thing, but I doubt he got the message.

The worst is some kid kicking the back of your seat for 3 hours. It is going to cauase some violent reaction sooner or later. It's no wonder some species eat their young. America is going to hell with this "go to hell" attitude or people. Maybe we would be better off if Mexico took the place over.

Paying for the right to fly doesn't entitle anyone to being rude. Fat slobs, rude slobs, inconsiderate parents and misbehaving children deserve to receive all the ire one feels the need to release. If you are incapable of peacefully coexisting with your fellow passengers because of a defect in your upbringing and are unable to find a peaceful compromise then prepare to suffer the consequences. I think airline personnel should align accordingly and protect the injured and offended. After all I paid as much for my space as the rude, stupid and inconciderate passengers paid for theirs.

Once I had the passinger in front of me lean the seat back and I had my tray down. I just yelled out load, as in pain and he looked back and saw that I was jammed with the tray in my stomach. With a little outward push on my part. I said,"I can hardly breathe or move." He immediately raised his seat. I wish they had seats that can't be lowered as their isn't enough room between the rows now.Most people that seem to be rude are people that rarely fly and just don't seem to understand anything about flying etiquette.It takes many times flying for some people to be educated They have to learn from their bad experience before they can ever be polite. Sorry world we live in sometimes. I like the idea frome someone who said maybe the airlines can supply a page or so in their flight magazine about it.However you wonder if these people can read.

I'm a Flight Attendant, not a "stewardess." That term hasn't been used in 40 years. And between trying to keep a few flyers happy, which will never be happy even if you gave them free flights, people who have medical emergencies...at 40,000 feet...you will want a trained "stewardess" to keep your unhappy behind alive till we land. Most flight attendants have a college degree or higher. If you want better company on your flight, then hire your own jet. You wanted deregulation for lower fares. This allowed many people the freedom to afford to fly, that perhaps shouldn't be on airplanes. With that said, after 9/11, and loosing personal friends in a terrorist attack, live with the Clampetts and be happy and your next flight, rather than a stupid argument. I have better things to do than refere your "space." Use your common sense.

I usually try to book an aisle seat, and when people boarding swing their luggage or backpacks around towards my face, I always give it a gentle push away. They usually feel it, turn around and look at me, and realize what they were doing. Once or twice I got glared at, and I just glared right back and said, "excuse me," in a pointed way. You do have to speak up for yourself, but you don't have to be rude or offensive about it either. If I sat next to a child who was a sloppy eater, I wouldn't wait for the second food item - I would immediately speak up as soon as anything landed on me. If a child is too small or clumsy to control how they eat, then it is the parent's responsibility to feed them so they don't make a mess. Just because a child makes a mess does not mean a parent is automatically absolved of that child's behavior. Some children throw tantrums and food at the same time, and again it is the responsibility of the parent to establish discipline. IF a parent got nasty with me, I would take whatever food item landed on me and place it on the nasty parent, informing them that their child misplaced their food and I was returning it to them.

THE PERSON WITH THE STRONGEST ARM GETS THE ARMREST. WEAKER PEOPLE USUALLY GIVE IN THE THE STRONG SO THEY JUST KEEP PUSHING TILL THE WEAKER ONE GIVES IN.

I feel the person in the middle seat should have both amrests. No question about it! If I have a window or isle seat, I always give the center seat passenger the armrest. This to me is common sense... On the other hand, when I am the unfortunate one to be stuck in the middle, I TAKE both armrests ... unless their is someone next to me who is really large.

a couple of years ago my husband & i flew to Portland, OR from Washington, Dc via united. knew the crew was having problems with their union but as a member of another union instinctively wanted to be a friend. on plane--my husband handed me a pillow, i said no thanks because it was covered with slobber-- pulled down food tray covered with i hope coffee or coke. Man in front of us (and we were in back row) lowered his seat which landed him in my husband's lap--mentioned it to attendant--she asked the guy to lift the seat-he did for the 45 seconds or so it took her to leave. called her again, she snarled at my husband and said, "i would suggest you just shut up sir and put up with it." I told her that as a fellow union member, i had supported her but now i hope united went under and she lost her job. However, i have solved the problem, whenever possible i fly jet blue--great seats, great leg room, almost food and happy attendants. Viva jet blue and may all other airlines follow their example. ;it is called vote with your feet.

Having just returned home from college after taking several finals, and deprived of much sleep, I was looking forward to an easy flight, where I could fall asleep on take off, and wake up on descent. In a 3 person row, I got the window, and a larger man than me took the middle (not big enough for next seat spillage). We shared the armrest for the first part of the flight, yet I kept getting woken up in my slumber. You see, my left elbow was on the back of the armrest, and his right elmow was on the front of it. this seemed natural becasue he was hunched over reading, and I was reclining. He kept waking me up by sliding his elbow back, trying to muscle me out of the armrest! This was bogus, I was not going to get woken up when its almost impossible to sleep sitting up, so I turned to him, and politely asked if he wanted the front or the back of the armrest. In today's civilized society, there is no reason why we cannot cooperatively share the armrest, so each person has comfort. He turned to me and replied "I don't want to argue with you right now." So, for the rest of the flight, out of spite, I kept my elbow on the back, chewed my gum loudly, and made sure to go to the bathroom at least twice. I have lost my confidence in a perfect world where we can all share the armrest? Is this cooperativity still possible within the cynicism of today's harsh realities (even 45,000 feet up in the air)???

I'm in an aisle seat. The mother of a five or six year old boy has the window. The kid is between us, whining, kicking the seat in front of him, whacking his mom with a toy, and generally being obnoxious. I've had enough. In my best low even "I really mean business here" tone, I tell the kid, "Cut it out! Now!" The kid suddenly becomes the picture of tranqility. Mom looks at me and mouths the words, "Thank you."

I live on Maui, and a trip from here to the mainland, or worse, the East Coast, means many hours of enduring. My solutions: #1 Seat kicking kids: First attempt: I jump up and GLARE my longest, hardest, meanest glare right at the kid (when the parent isn't looking!) Say not a word. This works more often than not. Second attempt: Have $5 in hand, and nice smile on face to defuse parent.."How about I give you $5 to never ever kick my seat again? If you do, you have to give it back!" Worth every penny. #2 Seat Hogs: This calls for weapons: Nose spray and Kleenex...spend a few of first minutes blowing nose, coughing, sneezing, spraying and moaning. If there are other seats available on the plane, your Hog will move for sure. Otherwise they scrunch as far from you as they can get. Works everytime. #3 Armrest: This is a time when I am generous. If they have claimed it, they can have it. If they don't have their arm on it, it's mine! However, if their elbow or fat arm sneak into my space, I start bumping it with arms gestures of my own...like blowing my nose, etc. Alway saying, "excuse me." They tuck in. #4 Getting out of inner seat: I will not climb over anyone..giving them an excellent view of my tail. I smile and say, "would you mind getting up and letting me out, please." I've never had one refuse. #5 Stinky people, stinky shoes: In my Flying Arsenal is a small can of Lysol. First I cough, and then I spray like I am hoping to kill my germs. I managed to get those shoes, for sure. #6 Seat back too far. If it is a long night flight, I leave it be. They are entitled to sleep. But a bright day flight when I have work to do,,I will try the $5 offer. "Excuse me...(smile) I'll give you $5 if you will please raise your seat a notch or two so I can use my laptop." Usually they refuse the $$, and make themselves feel good by being gracious enough to move it up a bit. Flying is not for the timid, these days. Smile and Request works best. Most people are willing to accommodate you. Always request an exit row, and hope your Karma is good enough to get it! If no exit, try for a row as close to the front as possible. I find that children seem to be more to the rear. Babies are most likely to scream on take-off and landing due to the pressure in their ears. It hurts! Especially children with colds/ear infections. Flying is no longer the lovely, luxurious experience it once was. "Geese" is what the flight crews have always called us, and herded "geese" is what we have become. Pleasant, or not, it still beats a stagecoach and a canoe!

In the last several years, we have driven to distant destinations to board cruise ships to avoid flying. Youngsters on a plane can be a problem, but it's not their fault. Many parents don't know that if you give a child something to suck on (a pacifier, or a lollipop, etc.) it will help with ear pain on altitude changes. Some modern American parents seem to ignore discipline. On a recent flight to Asia, an Asian woman with an infant earned our admiration. She kept the child amused all the way from San Francisco to Tokyo, by reading aloud or singing softly when the child became irritable. Sometimes she walked the aisles with her infant. She proved that it can be done and, if you must fly with children, it behooves you to make an effort. Rather than allowing children to fly free or for half fare, in many cases, I think the parents should be charged double fare for obnoxious children.

I once was on a "Redeye" from Tucson to Chicago Ohare and in the middle seat. A women with curlers in her hair and weighing at least 250 lbs took the aisle seat smelling strongly of garlic and sweat. She spilled over in every direction. About an hour into the flight, I really did get sick from the fumes and got up to go into the washroom, turned the air onto my face and tried to relax as much as I could. After a short time the stewardess came to check on me and I told her I just could not sit next to that lady without getting violently sick. I was told there were no other seats available, but I could not stay in the washroom for the rest of the trip. So I stood outside the washroom door while it was being used by other passengers and ducked back in when it wasn't. Finally the stewardess gave me her seat. I don't know where she went to sit so there must have been some other seat on the plane. I think there should be some sort of restrictions about the condition of people when they get on public vehicles, they don't let people who are drunk on, how about people who really stink?

I find all the comments very interesting. I hope that reading them will not give me nightmares. I have encountered many similar problems while traveling by air. Flying is not a pleasant experience for me anymore, not only because of the rudeness of passengers, but because of all the added inconveniences caused by all the added security after 9/11. I now fly no more than once a year if I can help it,... and even then, the flight must be a short one. I've stopped taking distant vacations (I sure miss Hawaii). If I can't get there in my car, I don't go. Now that I'm retired, I have the time to travel, but not the enthusiasm required to enjoy the flight to my desination and back. It's a sad state to be in.

To Chaz: That stinks and I think you should report the stewardess to the airline she works for. She was completely out of line. He attacks you with his elbow and she is threatening you? I'm white but I think this has more to do with that stewardess needing either a desk job or a new job. Besides, the air marshalls aren't up there for these things. If she was prejudiced against you because of race, she doesn't belong working with the public in a job where she's going to meet people from various races, cultures, etc.. Jo

Regarding the allocation of armrests, it seems as though there are three seats in a row as well as three armrests, which should be shared equally. If one makes note of this to their fellow rowmates, hopefully reason sets in and there is no quibble. I, too, detest unruly children who incessantly kick the back of my seat. When mine were that age, I made sure they were polite and well-behaved. If only all parents took the care that I did. As for the parent who sneered at the spilled milk and pasta on Elizabeth, perhaps a suggestion to the parent with a flight attendant present that one of the parents sit between you and the child to act as a buffer and to see how well they would tolerate the milk and/or pasta on their clothing.

I like all the clever solutions. Personally I always ask for an aisle seat. There are a few physical problems which make being squeezed in a window or center seat not an option. But I think the problem is with the airlines that have made the seats so impossibly tight and small that most people I've talked to aboard a plane are uncomfortable. I'd rather drive even cross-country than take a plane and I'm not afraid of flying. Of course, time-wise the airlines have us all over a barrel and they know it. Actually I know people who hate the cramped seats so much that they don't go anywhere that they have to fly to and they're not afraid of flying either. I like the barf bag tactic though. And speaking of people suddenly putting the backs down so they're basically in your lap, maybe that would work with the bratty children and irresponsible parents. It's quite easy, if you know you're flying with children, to take things to keep them busy and it's amazing how many parents have not discovered the word "no" these days. :) Jo

Johnny B.'s solution is the best. When I used to fly regularly I almost always managed to get an aisle...or even better, an aisle exit row. Once when two "suit" types wanted my choice aisle/exit seat...telling me that as a little lady I might want to catch the scenery from the window...I told them I get airsick and may not "make it" to the lavatory if I had to climb over them. This also worked for the parents of those unruly ones....just mentioning to mom that the kicking on the seat could cause me to heave all over them as I attempted to exit.

Elizabeth, you had every right to speak out about the child spilling food on you. One of the parents should have taken the seat and the child moved with the other parent. Obviously, the parents are extremely ignorant and have a total lack of courtisy. Gee, guess how their children will end up?

Who Get's the Armrest? I must tell you a very honest and truthful event that happened in 1996 flying from Minneapolis to my destination of Atlanta. (just to let you know us Southern boys can be dumb as a Fox) My seat was a middle seat, I was at the end of boarding line, (Road Warrior running late) as I was approaching the aisle to be seated, I noticed two good heavy weights 280lbs + on each side of my seat. I squeezed in and yes they each had both armrest captured. As we were preparing to taxi out, my thoughts could not find a happy solution for myself or the Heavy weights on each side of me. With my arms straining to touch my elbows as to not offend my row guest and thinking !Yes, the thought came to me as we leveled off and the Pilot announced we had reached our altitude and could move around. With my left hand I pulled back the pocket containg Magazines and other paraphenalia and to my delight I spied a rice paper Barf Bag, I gently but noisly retreived the bag and with both hands began to open while making a deep clearing of my throat, I heard a deep inhaling of breath on each side of me and a withdrawal of my row partners arms retreating into their space, and I remained with both my arms resting on the comfortable armrest joining my seat while holding the Barf Bag most of the flight to Atlanta occassionally making a deep gurgle and enjoying the 2 hour 35 minute flight with ample comfort. Johnnny B.

I agree that etiquette on planes is almost non existent. I sat in front of a small child looked to be 5 or 6 years old that kicked the back of my seat. I mentioned it to the Mom who went ballistic. I never bother to speak to anyone about these sort of things.

I am a shy person, and travel on business and pleasure about 12 times a year. Where as these things have happened to me, only once did I dare to say anything. And I soon regretted it. I was in the last row of the plane, at the windown on the left side. Was hoping that none of the two seats next to me would be full, since the last row the seats do NOT recline. This family with 3 kids heads down the aisle, and 2 of the children ended up next to me, with the parents and youngest child across the aisle. The child next to me, never stopped jabbering, and fidgeting the whole time. Not only took the armrest on my right, but fought with his brother over taking the one on the other side of his center seat. Then came the meal,since meals are NOT served any longer, the parents opened this huge carry on case, and started doling out food and milk. The child accidentially spilled his milk on me, and then was moving his knees and as his brother socked him, the plastic tub of macaroni went flying and some of it ended up on me. I had it, so I quietly looked at the parents, and said in a loud voice, will you PLEASE talk to this child, not only will he not stop moving, but he has spilt milk and now pasta on me, and the flight is only half over. The parents just looked at me, and the FAther said in a rather sneering tone, Lady, he's just a small child, chill out. And then laughed. What else could I have done, every seat on this plane was taken. I was flying by myself. I did get up to use the restroom, right behind me, to wipe off my clothes and said something to the flight attendants who were sitting in the back galley eating. They just looked at me, and said, you are complaining about a small child, there is no place else to put you, you will just need to make the best of it, so no help there. I have never said another word to anyone on any plane. So was surprised to see this topic. I will not fight over an armrest, someone spilling something, and I have certainly had my share of large men in seat next to me, who have SPIILED over, including a few who have fallen asleep and their head ends up on my shoulder. There is NO plan of etiquette that seems to cover anything on an airplane, and todays passenger seems to be lacking in many manners, adult and youngster.

hmmm armrests... I have had many experiences with who gets which one, Some considerate and some not so considerate. On one such flight across the country, I just happened to sit next to a "gentleman" and he "would not"!! give up the armrest that should or could have been shared. Thus I was "squished" in my little seat the whole 5 hour flight.. very uncomfortable. perhaps better seating is in order? I think all airline seats are for the very small person.. hmmm makes one wonder...

I think it's perfectly ok to speak up if you're not comfortable with whatever is making you uncomfortable ... either the sharing of space or or armrest. "Excuse me, would you mind if we shared the armrest" is not objectionable at all ...... as for the spilling over, rearranging yourself with the comment "you don't mind, do you ...." and leave the innuendo open always works well for me. I don't necessarily think that most people are clueless and unaware of how invasive they can be, and bringing a little focus to their behaviors usually is received with a conscious attempt to accommodate their fellow passengers needs as well. Good luck next time :)

Right on Lisa! You are SO right. I too usually take the window seat and I like your reasoning re: who gets the center or inner armrest. But don't tell any one that in addition to some great views we also get a nice cozy place to rest our heads -- just get a pillow or two and stuff them between the seat back and the bulkhead for a comfortable snooze. Get back at the seat hogs; save some garlic bread or part of your shrimp scampi dinner for the flight. Seal it up and if necessary eat it on the flight and keep them at bay. Your oral fumes will keep them in the aisle for most of the flight! Beats spilling a drink on your self and possibly being denied boarding or not showering for a few days, after all you do have to live with yourself. ---GEORGE.

Thank you Teresa Tunay! I am sure your gentle and kind nature brings out the best in your flying companions. You would be a blessing to share an international flight with!

It was nice to get a reaction from the compasionate "Flight Attendant." The word steward means to manage something. Its obvious to me why the name "Stewardess" is no longer used. I don't see the need for so many "Flight Attendants" any more since there is no meal served. Cur out a couple of them and move the seats two inches farther appart.

It would be nice if the airlines helped with the armrest situation. I was headed to Chicago or Philadelphia on Southwest Airlines and the guy on the aisle seat took offense that I put any part of my arm on the armrest that was between myself and he. I was sitting in a kind of weird position so I could use the armrest and he could too. He wasn't happy with that and finally threw a vicious elbow before telling me to get out of his seat. He pulled a blanket over his head and pretended to be asleep. Now, I listen to the captain's message about airplane rides and I am aware that anything you do in an airplane can land you in a lot of trouble. I rang for the stewardess and asked that she explain to the guy that I was in my seat and that if he wasn't satisfied with that he could move to one of the many open seats. At first, she questioned me because he looked as if he was asleep. She finally gave him a shake and he "woke up" to say that I was in his seat and that he didn't want to move. The stewardess, a white woman, turned to me, a black man, and told me that I couldn't force Mr Aisle Seat, a white man, to move and that if I had a problem with that the air marshalls would see me off the plane at the end of the flight. Just a few seconds after she asked me if I understood what she was saying, Mr Aisle Seat decided he wanted the empty row of seats in the back of the plane. I usually say good-bye to the flight staff as I leave the plane, but I felt that I had been wronged so I just got off the plane. That feeling stayed with me during my whole vacation and During the return flight to Los Angeles. After I got home, I finally complained to Southwest's office. They gave me a $100 certificate, which I took, but I still think about being threatened with federal charges, just because some guy thought the armrest "belonged" to him.

Elizabeth, I understand You very well. When it comes to trips the main for me to have a seat far away from children. I'm happy that I'm not alone about this. Sometimes people so crazy when it comes to kids. Kids are allowed to do everything; it's just a child-is not an exuse for me. When I was a child I was told about respect to adult people and I knew that public places are not playground. What about Your situation, I do not undestand why 2 kids were seated without parents while 1 child was with both of them. This family is VERY lucky that they didn't share the flight with Russians or Ukrainians; in general we are not shy when it comes to rudeness and we are speaking out loudly, so this family would be in big trouble.

hi. Congratulations on your piece on armrest/territorial rights(!). i enjoyed reading ALL 44 responses--gut-level reactions to very real situations. i myself fly a lot, averaging 14 times a year, with at least four of those trans-oceanic flights 18 hours minimum. i've learned so much from being on all sorts of planes with all kinds of people, and as with any other situation in life, i notice that we can still be pretty much in control of ourselves if not the situation: we just have to proceed from a desire to reach a win-win situation as much as possible. Armrest-sharing is no big deal for me, so far. If my seatmates want it, they can have it--i won't really feel that uncomfortable not having the armrest to myself the whole time. Besides, even when people grab armrests i find that they sooner or later shift positions anyway, or occupy only part of the armrest so there's still room left for me. But when people read and insensitively invade my space with a spread-out broadsheet, then i apply a little body language and pull out a broadsheet myself and spread my arms until they touch theirs but GENTLY until they withdraw their offending arm and respect that invisible boundary between us. On occasion,i have had to give up my "right" to an armrest as on that flight to Samoa from Auckland. having flown all the way from Manila to Auckland, i sure could use some rest but i happened to sit beside this huge lady traveling with a year-old baby. Poor thing, the armrest between us practically vanished in the folds of her torso. so without second thoughts i asked her with a smile, "Would you like me to lift the armrest so you can move freely? I really don't mind..." Her radiant smile of surprise and gratitude is still in my memory. As for brats kicking the back of my chair--maybe i've been lucky because they usually stop before they can get my goat. When i feel it, i simply look over my backrest to let them sense that they're doing something not nice; i don't say a word, i just turn around "to check" and they stop. Maybe it's a good idea to write to airlines and suggest that passengers traveling with infants and children (below 12 or so)be given special areas; that way they don't bother others and parents get to learn a lesson or two from being exposed to other people's brats. Oh, i could write a whole book about airline passengers' idiosyncracies--men falling asleep on your shoulder, women reeking of perfumes, etc. Maybe i'm just fortunate that i have not found the need to ask flight attendants to referee for me, but i observe that people are fairly reasonable, and if you act or approach them as if they're intelligent and respectable human beings, they usually react as such. Thanks for reading this far; i wish you all pleasant flying hours in the future!

I travel extensively and find recurring issues with scents. Many people seem to be unaware of the strength of their favorite perfume or cologne and my complaint is that with so many of these mixing in filtered air space, those of us with sensitivities and allergies are forced to deal with the problem of headaches or nausea. I actually find the chemical variety of scent to be more offensive than nervous body odor. Any ideas of how to deal with this problem?

I ended up with such an extremely large woman next to me that they had to supply her with a seatbelt extension. I was quite small and had plenty of airspace on both sides in my middle seat until she sat down and the airline attendant flipped up the armrest because this woman could not even fit between the arms of the seat. So we are not talking about mere spillover here -- this woman took up half of my seat as well as her own. I complained to the airline attendant that it was not fair that I ended up giving up close to half my own seat and that woman should have paid for two seats or they should not have allowed her to fly. The attendant just said there was nothing they could do as every seat was taken. It was a 13 hour flight and extremely uncomfortable for me. I wish I had written to the airline to complain about this. Ever since that day, I have insisted upon an aisle seat.

The post on airplane space was well wrtitten and made several good point;however, I was distracted by the many typos, eg. plan rather than plane

The obvious problem is that airlines have made the seats so uncomfortable for their passengers that now we have all these problems. How much smaller are the airline companies going to make their seats so that they can get more and more folks on the plane? But I have found one way to get on the plane quicker and then I can get myself settled into my seat and dare anyone to take more than their share. Get yourself a leg brace!! Its a great way to get on first with the small infants and disabled.

I firmly believe that ALL airlines should have a policy regarding the armrests (sharing) and dealing with unruly children. By not having a well published policy, they open themselves up to people either curtailing travel or looking for alternate air travel. By not having a well published and well known policy (the flight attendants could announce this policy at the beginning of every flight) they, the airlines, are abdicating their responsibility to all flyers whose flight payment keeps them in business.