Trust Your Inner Strength

Recently, I was babysitting my two-year old grandson. It was just the two of us having a wonderful day. We'd been playing outside on his driveway and just finished putting all the toys away into the garage. Our next activity was to be lunch, and he stood there while I closed the garage door.

What had been an absolutely sunny and fun-filled morning suddenly changed. Due to some very careless move on my part, I closed the garage door on three of my fingers! After helplessly letting out a yelp, I looked at my fingers which now looked like pancakes in the fold of the door. (Ladies -- think mammogram multiplied by 100 due to the weight of the garage door.)

The nitty gritty

The events that follow are the reason I tell this story in today's post. To really get the full sense of it, understand that I am absolutely horrible when it comes to pain. In fact, I would rate on the negative scale of pain threshold. When I go for a cleaning of my teeth, I need to have nitrous oxide (laughing gas). So, you have to know that this is no laughing matter for me.

I somehow managed to have the presence of mind to lift the door and remove my fingers. Then, I told my grandson that we had to go into the house immediately. Remember that he is two -- probably the most difficult age to get a child to merely succumb to one's orders. Luckily, he complied.

Once we were safely inside, the pain quickly started to take me over. Let me reiterate -- I really don't do pain. There were waves of fear that I was about to pass out. But there was also a clear realization that if I did so, my very young grandson would be alone, likely terrified and ... possibly scarred emotionally for life. I couldn't allow that to happen.

I managed to put my head between my legs and keep conscious. (By the way, if you think a child doesn't know what's going on, guess again. He kept coming over to me to bestow me with kisses!) Somewhere along the line I managed to ice my fingers. Eventually, I gave him lunch and put him in for his nap. Finally, more ice as well as a large exhale.

The meaning

Why do I bother telling you this anecdote? It certainly isn't to tell you how wonderful I am; indeed, if anything it points to my clumsiness. Nor does it demonstrate my physical strength. When it comes to physicality, I won't win any awards.

But what it does show, I believe, is what one is able to do, when necessary. What choice did I really have? It wasn't an injury that required an ambulance. To call one would have been overkill as well as frightening to my grandson. Unfortunately, I didn't know any neighbors well enough to ask for help. I had to deal with the situation at hand (excuse the pun).

I'm reminded of the fact that so often when people are going through difficult times, whether it is sickness or life struggles, those close to them seem to abandon rather than help. As a therapist, I understand that many people are unable to handle stressful situations or feel ill-equipped to help. Yet, this is the time that support is needed most. Research has shown that social support is one of the best buffers to stress.

Help does not have to come in any special way. It can be as simple as just doing some chores or listening as the other person talks. But it does mean being available to the person in need.

Years ago, my very dear friend was stricken with breast cancer. Since she lived in a distant state, our communications had to be by phone. Many days, I would hesitate in calling her in anticipation of hearing her pain. And then I would remind myself that if she could go through the cancer, I could go through listening to her.

When your loved one needs you and your life is not as rosy as you'd like it to be, it does put a strain on you and your relationship. Your emotions may be screaming, "Let's get out of here, this is too much," leading you to all sorts of other activities. But don't underestimate your strength.

As a psychologist who's been practicing for a long time, I'd like to suggest that when any of us are hurting, it's as if we are two years old and can't be left alone

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