The Relationship Danger Zones

Through the course of my many postings, one of the recommendations I’ve often made is the need to have proper expectations in your relationships. So often, when the experience does not live up to what you expected, you’re disappointed and it leads to trouble between you and your mate.

In today’s blog, I want to address the danger zones that a long-term relationship is likely to encounter. In most cases, the couple will be married; though, it is possible that they might not be. It’s my belief that if the couple anticipates the potential bumps along the way, they’ll be more prepared to deal with the stress rather than thrown by it, perhaps thinking that something is wrong with them.

And Then There Were Three

The first turning point is the birth of the first child. As joyous as this event is, even when planned, there’s a great deal of stress that also occurs. Certainly, it requires a big adjustment, especially since it’s the first child and the parents don’t know what they’re doing. Add to the mix tiredness, lack of time for one another, and likely financial strain and it becomes obvious why this is so taxing.

In most families, the couple decides to have more than one child. And because they’re no longer novices, the adjustment to the additional siblings isn’t so bad. All seems to go along fairly well, that is until the next hiccup -- the teenage years. Teens are struggling for their independence but in today’s society, it’s scary to really allow them their freedom. Of course, teens are changing physiologically including the raging of the hormones which requires a great deal of patience and understanding in order not to get grabbed. (By the way, many a mom may be going through her own hormonal changes simultaneously leading to potentially double trouble!)

It’s not all About the Kids

When mom and dad turn 40, there’s another rough spot in the flow of the relationship, another challenge to be met. Clearly, they’re not kids any more; quite often physical changes appear as reminders. This may set off the need to try out behaviors in order to recapture a sense of youth.

If all goes according to “plan,” the children grow to be independent adults and go out on their own. Now the couple is considered to be “empty nesters.” So often, I stress the need for a couple to make time for one another, to prioritize their relationship. Another way to say this is that a couple should not be child-centric. When they are, at the point at which they become empty nesters, they no longer have anything in common with one another. At the very least, they are not comfortable in the role of being husband and wife.

The final danger zone is that of retirement. This time of life is one that must be carefully considered. You must think about more than whether you can financially manage. Will you have hobbies and activities to enjoy? Will you both be retired at once? If so, what expectations do you have about how you and your mate will function with one another? Psychologically, are you ready to think of yourself as a retired person?

Any time you make a change, it can be stressful. But it can also be challenging and exciting. As the adage says, “Forewarned is forearmed.” By anticipating what is ahead of you and having a basic plan, you will be much better prepared.

By sharing your concerns and hopes with your partner about each of these potential danger zones, it will allow you to stay connected and work together as a team.

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