Success is the achievement of what you plan or attempt. When your expectations match what happens you feel happy. But when what you expect doesn't happen you feel disappointed. As painful as disappointment can be, it can also teach you to set goals that match your values.
Values undergo a radical shift in midlife and beyond, since this is when the authentic self emerges through the layers of family and cultural conditioning to find answers to questions of ultimate concern, who am I, why am I here, and what should I do with the rest of my life. This creative core of your personality needs emotional and spiritual fulfillment, not just for you but also for the people you serve.
By contrast, in your twenties and thirties you needed to know how to go for the personal gold, experiment with many career and lifestyle options, try on different personas, attract sexual and marriage partners, have and bring up children, and compete with peers for recognition and status.
Navigating the transition into the second half of life takes courage and persistence, since the youthful self holds on with all its might in a culture that values outer success more than inner success. Continuing to pursue sexual and material goals provokes the well-known midlife crisis, with its regressive symptoms of alienation and depression.
The solution is to let go of values that have outlived their usefulness so that life energy can be redirected into goals that are appropriate in the second half of life, particularly in your work.Given todays uncertain economy, and the likelihood that safety nets like social security and dividends may not be there for you when you are older, now it is not just a matter of if you should follow your passion, you absolutely must discover what gives meaning to your life in order to weather the turmoil that will be around for some time to come. An added bonus is that the more you do this activity the more marketable you become, expertise that makes you virtually recession proof.Wherever you are on your journey to the most satisfying years of your life, begin by taking these steps:Face your fears, chiefly the fear of poverty and the fear of criticism. If you are not sure how to make your dreams a reality, seek out people who are already where you want to go. Ask for their critique, if need be pay them for their time. Ignore people who tell you that passion is a luxury in a down economy. Excitement is the fuel that gives you the edge on competitors. Give or throw away possessions you no longer need, keeping only what you love and use. Break self-destructive habits like eating, drinking and socializing too much, and spending time with people who drain your energy, including some of your family members. Exercise, pray and meditate, eat a balanced diet, and get plenty of rest and sleep. A healthy body, mind and spirit adapt more readily to change.Make a list of the times when your expectations were unrealistic. Ask yourself if what you wanted so badly was what you really needed.Make a list of the times when you reached your goals. Ask yourself if you succeeded because these goals matched the values that were closest to your heart. Be assured, if you set goals that are in sync with your authentic self, not who you or others think you ought to be, and you take the small steps that lead to any worthwhile objective, the results will exceed your expectations.Nancy Anderson is a career and life consultant based in the San Francisco Bay Area and the author of the best selling career guide, Work with Passion. Her new book, Work with Passion and Beyond is available in online and retail bookstores. Her website is workwithpassion.com. Send questions about your career and life goals to nancy@workwithpassion.com.
