Q&A: How to Date a Widower

Also remind yourself that letting go will take more time. You can't control him, but you can change how you see the situation. It's also OK to balance respecting his needs by talking to him about yours, but proceed slowly and gently here. He'll know when he's ready to say goodbye. If he's worth it, be there when he does. Steve Says: My wife's being too gentle. Frankly, the fact that you even ask this question concerns me. You're talking four months; he's lost a life companion. With that in mind, consider asking yourself two questions. Do so, by the way, with a genuine spirit of exploration and a desire to grow; avoid the two extremes of denial on the one hand and self-reproach on the other. First, how capable have you been in your previous relationships of setting aside your own needs for those of others? Ask friends to give you honest feedback on this one. I've seen many people who think they're God's gift to self-sacrifice when in fact they're far more selfish and self-centered than they realize. Second, how good are you at delaying gratification? Studies show that this is a core ingredient of emotional intelligence and a cardinal predictor of later success. For although the sharp edges of your new love's grief will likely taper off during the next year, after half a century together, especially if it was a good relationship, his first wife will be with him (and therefore you) for many years to come.