Women's Well: Let's Discuss All Topics, Hosted by Oiseau

is sometimes called the most difficult spiritual practice of all, but these five simple guidelines can go a long way toward helping you to happier, healthier relating of all kinds.

1. Speak your heart. This is the most important guideline hands down, and the most horrendously difficult, especially when we've been hurt or triggered by something our partner has said or done. Truth has so many layers that it can be all too easy to say something hurtful with the justification, "Well, it was the truth!" But the deepest layer of truth is usually so self-exposing and scary that if you're not feeling like that, you probably haven't dug down deeply enough yet.

This guideline comes with a helpful little rule: make "I" statements rather than "you" statements. Example: not "You’re a thoughtless, selfish jerk for forgetting my birthday," but "I felt so hurt and not cared for when you forgot my birthday." And if you're really brave, digging even deeper and saying "It reminded me of being forgotten when I was little, and it felt really bad. I got scared that you didn’t love me." Big difference there. And here is a beautiful fact just waiting to be discovered: when we find the courage to speak from that terrifyingly vulnerable, completely exposed place of deep truth, the place of no more hiding, we suddenly find ourselves standing on bedrock, and nothing can dislodge us from it. And it is a healing balm for your own deep self when it hears you speaking your truest truth, even if your partner doesn't get it.

2. Empathize. I can't tell you how many people I've heard saying, "If I show empathy, doesn't that mean I agree with what my partner is saying? And I don't! They're wrong!" But empathizing does not mean you agree. It just means you care enough to listen and hear what your partner is saying. If empathizing as a communication skill were taught in every elementary school, our world would be a less violent place, so let world change begin at home. Allow your partner to speak his or her heart. Detach enough from your own feelings about the situation so you can listen without judgment. Mirror back what you think you've heard until you get it right. Then try to imagine how they must have felt and feel it, too. Share it. Hearts may open, yours included.

3. Own your stuff. Here is a very tough question to ask yourself: To what am I more committed, the health of my relationship or replaying my old unhappy scenarios so I have an excuse to vent all the miserable feelings that it wasn't safe to show as a child? Hard as it may be to admit, many of us are really looking for that excuse. But while breaking old patterns is hard as hell, it can be done.

The truth is that most of us choose partners who echo something about a primary caregiver from childhood--usually one who hurt or disappointed us in some way--only THIS time (we hope unconsciously) they won't hurt us! THIS time we'll get it right! Trouble is, if you remain unconscious about all this, your chances of success are roughly equivalent to a snowball's in the hell that your marriage will probably become, where you end up metaphorically stabbing each other in your sorest spots, reliving all your old pain, and co-creating the very worst-case scenarios you were hoping to heal.

We all have emotional baggage and issues; in fact, you and your mate probably chose each other because your issues dovetail neatly and you bring them up in each other. But we can commit to becoming conscious of our old patterns, then work to change them while practicing compassion for ourselves and gaining a deeper level of self-acceptance. And we can be there as a supportive cheerleader while our partner struggles to do the same, doing what we can to encourage and help the process along. If your issues are deep, there is help available to deal with them.

4. Avoid the blame game. Blaming every little glitch in the marriage on your partner is so temptingly easy, but it's a crock, as well as a brilliant way to avoid looking at your own painful stuff. It might help to keep this little maxim in mind: Where there is judgment, there is fear. If you're feeling judgmental, take it as a golden opportunity to look more deeply into what's really eating at you. What triggered you? What old feelings does this situation bring up? Sniping at our partner when we're triggered is the first line of defense for most of us, but I ask you: is it likely to help the relationship, or widen the rift between you? When something hurts or bothers you in the relationship, see #1 above and speak from the heart about it.

5. Own up when you’ve messed up. Many of us get so caught in the trap of striving for perfection that we can't even admit to ourselves when we’ve made a mistake. But perfection isn't the goal: authenticity is. And we can get pretty snippy when we sense a partner is still upset with us after we've apologized: after all, we SAID we were sorry, didn't we? But an apology without empathy is useless.

It's painful enough to deal with our own hurts, but really allowing ourselves to feel the pain we have caused someone we love is excruciating--which is no doubt why so many of us avoid it at all costs. It takes largeness of heart and spirit to admit when you've been in the wrong, to empathize, apologize, and really mean it. But it is the only thing that helps to heal the hurt you have caused. If you can empathize deeply with what your partner is feeling because of something you have done (or have left undone), and can express true sorrow for it, more often than not you will eventually be forgiven.

Most partners simply want to please us and to be loved and appreciated, but we withhold those things because we're angry, triggered, or unconscious about our old hurts.

Spotlight: With January bringing unseasonably high and, suddenly, uncomfortably low temperatures, it's no wonder that so many of us will be particularly interested to hear what our favorite prognosticator, Punxsutawney Phil, will tell us today.

Will he see his shadow and crawl back into his hole for six more weeks of winter? Or will he look around, relax in the haze and decide that spring has already sprung?

Groundhog Day is celebrated in the US and Canada today, on a cross-quarter day between the winter solstice and the vernal equinox. Canadians will be equally anxious to know the predictions of Wiarton Willie, their albino groundhog.

Your Comfort Zone
Create A Soft Place To Land

Our day-to-day demands can quickly take their toll on our well-being if we are not vigilant about caring for ourselves as best we can. One way we can ensure that we have an opportunity to relax and recuperate each day is to create a soft place to land when we arrive home. This landing pad, whether it is an entire room or merely a small corner of a larger area, can provide us with a safe and comforting refuge in which we can decompress and recover from the day's stresses. There, we are enveloped in feelings of security that transcend other issues that may be unfolding in our homes. Our landing pads also act as way stations that enable us to shift our attention away from our outer-world concerns and back to our inner-world needs.

To create a soft place to land in your home, begin by scouting potential locations. Or perhaps your entire home is your landing pad in which case you may only need to declutter. Your habits can often provide you with insight into the perfect spot, as there may be an area of your home you gravitate to naturally when you are in need of comfort. Any space in which you find it easy to let go of stress and anxiety can become your landing pad. A basement or attic, spare room, or unused storage area, furnished with items that soothe you, can give you the privacy you need to unwind. If you appreciate the elements, you may find that spending time in a section of your garden or outdoor patio helps you release the day's tensions. Preparing these spaces can be as easy as replacing clutter with a small selection of beautiful objects that put you in a relaxed frame of mind. Remember to consider noise and activity levels while choosing the site of your landing pad. If you know that ordinary human commotion will distract you from your purpose, look for a secluded spot.

The soft place to land that you create should inspire within you the mantra, "I can breath here. I can relax here. I know I am safe here." When you return to your home after braving worldly rigors, you will feel a subtle yet tranquil shift occur inside of you as you settle in to this most personal of retreats and feel centered once again.

For more information visit dailyom.com

Wasn't there a nice song by Glen Campbell on 'good vibrations'?

Good Vibrations

Feelings vibrate, just as all things in the universe do, at a particular frequency. Negative feelings like anger, guilt, and depression vibrate at low frequencies, while positive feelings like joy, appreciation, and passion vibrate at high frequencies. These high frequency vibrations make us feel good. This is why people and places that inspire and cultivate positive feelings have what we call good vibrations.

Good vibrations inspire health, happiness, and optimism. When we are tuned in to good vibrations, our bodies heal, our hearts open, and our minds shift toward the light. We see new possibilities and feel powerfully energized to follow our inner visions. At the same time, we feel relaxed and capable of manifesting these visions without giving in to stress or struggle. Good vibrations put us in a state of perfect receptivity so that we feel it is the energy flowing through us that accomplishes what needs to be done. We feel guided, supported, protected, and nourished within this joyful flow. We sometimes forget that we are allowed to feel this way all the time.

Lower frequency vibrations are not bad in a moral sense, but they are bad in the sense that they simply don't feel good. Still, they have a purpose, which is to alert us to the fact that we are blocking out the higher frequency vibrations that we need to function well. They are a call for healing ourselves from within. The key to our healing lies in remembering that it is our birthright to feel good and that feeling good is the essence of our true nature. When we are receiving and sending out good vibrations, we are in the flow. When we are not, we can begin to raise our vibration by seeking out people, places, and situations that vibrate at a higher frequency. Whether we need to go on retreat or just call a friend who makes us laugh, seeking out those good vibrations and basking in them is a sacred and loving practice that returns us, time and again, to the joyful flow of the universe.

For more information visit dailyom.com

Uncover Your True Face

Many of us know the feeling of being stuck in a particular role within our families, as if we are wearing masks whenever we see the people we love. Maybe we are the good daughters, expected to always please others, or perhaps we are the family clowns, expected to be jovial and make everyone laugh. This same scenario can play out within a work situation or a group of friends. We may be so good at our role that we hardly even notice that we are wearing a mask, and yet, deep down, we know that we are not free to simply be who we really are. This can leave us feeling unseen and uneasy.

There is nothing inherently wrong with wearing a mask or playing a role. It is a natural part of any social dynamic and it can even be creative and fun. It only becomes a problem when you feel that you have no other choice than to wear that mask, and this is especially challenging if you realize you are never without one. Perhaps you have forgotten who you really are—a vast and unrestricted being of light—and have identified yourself completely with a role. You may be the dutiful, caring son who keeps his parents’ dysfunctional marriage intact. You may be the angelic wife who enables your husband to continue on a destructive path. You may be the cheerful daughter to a deeply depressed mother. Whatever the case, knowing the motivation behind your performance—the function of your mask—can help to uncover your true face.

Anytime we find ourselves stuck behind a mask, it is an indication that we are entangled in a dysfunctional dynamic in which our true self cannot be seen. We have been placed in this situation for the purpose of our own healing and, in some cases, the healing of others. From this perspective, life can be seen as a series of situations that call us to remove our masks—gently, and with great compassion for all concerned—to reveal the beauty underneath.

For more information visit dailyom.com

We had a gas leak and our gas had to be turned off. We heat with gas, cook with gas and heat water with gas:( Luckily we have a fire place and a microwave.

The PC is at the opposite end of the house from the fireplace. I probably won't be posting as much until the gas line can be fixed with probably will be Monday. I sure hope the temperatures don't drop too low at night until then.

I went through a sleep study Wednesday night. I had been worried I wouldn't sleep, but I did! Won't get the results until 1 or 2 weeks.

This afternoon I had the first half of a crown work done. Can't you see the $$$ flying from our wallets?

by Tom Hopkins

Just for today...

I will try to live and delight in the reality of being alive. My past is forever gone, my future an uncertainty, so I will be happy and thankful for each moment.

I will not allow negative input into my mind...happiness is a choice and I choose to be happy.

I will be thankful to God for my health, my loved ones, my business, and my country. I will also be thankful for any pain in crisis that helps me grow because God has said, be thankful in all things.

I will take care of my body, realizing the importance of the words moderation and balance, knowing that as I bring my flesh under control, how much easier it will be to control my will and my actions.

I will treat everyone I meet today the way I would like to be treated. I will strive to have them like themselves better when they’re with me.

I will avoid gossip, jealousy, and negative thinking. Most people don’t think about what they think about. Today, I will make a conscious effort to hold loving and beautiful thoughts in my mind.

I will write down my priorities; thinking of my loved ones and my responsibilities. I may not get everything done, but I will do the most productive thing possible at every given moment.

I will strive to humble myself before others, controlling my ego and making other people feel important.

I will spend time in study, learning how to better serve my fellowman. I know my growth in all areas is in direct proportion to the service I give to others.

I will not take rejection personally. I am first and foremost in the people business and, thus, realize they can only reject my proposal and not me. I will keep on keepin’ on.

I will spend time in prayer, asking God to let others see the light of His shining love through me.

Forgetfulness

"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing that's why we recommend it daily."

Been reading all the posts. Got one of my headaches today. :(

Finding Freedom In No

Many of us, from childhood on, are taught that saying yes is right and saying no is wrong. We learn that acceding to demands allows us to avoid conflict and criticism, please people, earn praise, and prove that we care for the important people in our lives. Yet the right to say no is indelibly intertwined with the ability to make choices. When we sense we are limited in our options, compelled to say yes even when doing so is not in our interests, we are effectively robbed of our ability to choose. Growing out of this tendency to say yes even when we desperately want to say no can be challenging because we suspect that others will reject us for our assertiveness. But the reward we receive upon facing this challenge is true freedom of choice.

When others ask you to take on work or do favors, consider their requests carefully. If you feel pressed to say yes, consider whether you are acquiescing out of a desire for approval or to stave off disapproval. Remind yourself often that the ability to say no is an important aspect of well-being, as it is an indication that you understand the true value of your energy, talents, and time. As you learn to articulate your personal power by saying no, you may feel compelled to explore the myriad consequences of the word by responding negatively to many or most of the requests put to you. The word “no” may even become your default response for some time. When you see that life moves forward without interruption, however, you will grow more comfortable saying no and will resume making decisions from a point of balance.

There is nothing inherently wrong with acceding to the requests others make of you, provided these requests do not infringe upon your health or your happiness. Keep in mind that it is only when you feel you have the legitimate right to say no that you can say yes with utmost certainty, sincerity, and enthusiasm. While saying yes almost always has a cost, you can feel good about offering your agreement when your reasons for doing so are rooted in your individual values and your appreciation for the appeal before you.

For more information visit dailyom.com

Marijuana top U.S. cash crop, policy analyst says

By David AlexanderTue Dec 19, 8:44 AM ET

U.S. growers produce nearly $35 billion worth of marijuana annually, making the illegal drug the country's largest cash crop, bigger than corn and wheat combined, an advocate of medical marijuana use said in a study released on Monday.

The report, conducted by Jon Gettman, a public policy analyst and former head of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, also concluded that five U.S. states produce more than $1 billion worth of marijuana apiece: California, Tennessee, Kentucky, Hawaii and Washington.

California's production alone was about $13.8 billion, according to Gettman, who waged an unsuccessful six-year legal battle to force the government to remove marijuana from a list of drugs deemed to have no medical value.

Tom Riley, a spokesman for the U.S. Office of National Drug Control Policy, said he could not confirm the report's conclusions on the size of the country's marijuana crop. But he said the government estimated overall U.S. illegal drug use at $200 billion annually.

Gettman's figures were based on several government reports between 2002 and 2005 estimating the United States produced more than 10,000 metric tons of marijuana annually.

He calculated the producer price per pound of marijuana at $1,606 based on national survey data showing retail prices of between $2,400 and $3,000 between 2001 and 2005.

The total value of 10,000 metric tons of marijuana at $1,606 per pound would be $35.8 billion.

By comparison, the United States produced an average of nearly $23.3 billion worth of corn annually from 2003 to 2005, $17.6 billion worth of soybeans, $12.2 billion worth of hay, nearly $11.1 billion worth of vegetables and $7.4 billion worth of wheat, the report said.

Gettman said the 10-fold increase in U.S. marijuana production, from 1,000 metric tons in 1981 to 10,000 metric tons in 2006, showed the country was failing to control marijuana by making its cultivation and use illegal.

"Marijuana has become a pervasive and ineradicable part of the economy of the United States," he said. "The contribution of this market to the nation's gross domestic product is overlooked in the debate over effective control."

"Like all profitable agricultural crops marijuana adds resources and value to the economy," he added. "The focus of public policy should be how to effectively control this market through regulation and taxation in order to achieve immediate and realistic goals, such as reducing teenage access."

Riley said illegal drug use was a "serious part of the economy," but he rejected the notion of an economic argument for legalizing marijuana.

He said marijuana use was an "inherently harmful activity" with serious physical and mental health consequences. He said more American teens were in treatment centers for marijuana dependency than for all other drugs combined.

I've used false lashes before...using the individual kind you put here and there to fill in your own for special parties etc. It does enhance one's eyes dramatically. But plastic surgery with implants?! YIKES!

I know of many who have had their eyebrows and eyeliner tatoo'd on them also. I would be too much of a chicken for that even ;o

Feeling somewhat better today, but still not able to eat much. I've lost almost 15 pounds since last Wednesday! :( Hope to get my appetite back before the holidays.

I can understand certain orthodox Muslim women using lash extensions since they have to cover their faces and have the lower half of the face covered. Since very little is exposed, the eyes have to be the most expressive part of the face.

From the Toronto Star

It was a real eye opener. There I was with my skimpy pee-hole-in-the-snow eyes, while an increasing number of women at the gym were flaunting Bambi eyes, framed by dramatic lashes. The gym is cardio-heavy Quad Spinning, where the spin-rats couldn’t possibly be wearing conventional false lashes — they would have curled up and died at first sweat. And it wasn’t mascara. There were no telltale raccoon eyes. I suspected lash extensions but with all the alternatives for enhancing eyelashes springing up, I couldn’t be sure. So I took a closer look at what’s available on the eyelash market.

Root perm
Lash Curl Eyelash Root Perm is new to the market, courtesy of importers Ya Ya Beauty in Vaughan (905-417-5055). One Lash Curl Clip is placed over each eye, then Lash Curl Solution A is applied with a stick applicator on the top of the grooves of the clip. (The clips have built-in rubber barriers to prevent the solution from getting into the eye.) When the solution has permeated the lashes, both clips are removed.

A new set of clips are applied, then Lash Curl Solution B is added. After it is processed, the clips are removed, the lashes cleaned with a damp, cotton pad and lash thickener is applied to the tips of the lashes.

"It's a clip, like a curler," says marketing director Lisa De Angelis. "You can even do a perm first and then apply extensions. You'd need fewer extensions because your own natural lashes are curled and the curl fills them out."

Even though the clip apparatus resembles a torture device from an old B-movie, Angela Alexiou, an esthetician at the Village Spa, swears the procedure is painless.

"It doesn't hurt, it doesn't sting, it doesn't burn and you don't feel the solution at all," she says. "You can even have your eyes open. When you get the semi-permanent (extension) lashes, sometimes you feel a sting.

"I'm allergic to a lot of things; I can't have eyelash tinting because I swell up. I'm allergic to extensions. If I had to pick one procedure, I'd pick the perming because half the time I don't have to use mascara."

Implants
A more permanent alternative in this era of Nip/Tuck, eyelash implants are huge in Asia and are taking off in the U.S., where the technique was first confined to patients with burns or congenital malformations of the eye.

According to a Reuters story picked up by ABC News, about 80 per cent of implants are now done for cosmetic reasons. Only a handful have been done here in Canada.

This is "plug and sew" transplant surgery. A hair graft is taken from the nape of the neck. As many as 30 to 60 hair follicles may be needed and local anesthetic is used. Each follicle is sewn individually onto the upper eyelid.

Hair transplant surgeon Dr. Robert Jones of Oakville explains that during the procedure the eye is protected by a cap, similar to a contact lens, and numbed with freezing. After the transplant, patients are "on antibiotics for five days and use an antibiotic eye drop," to prevent infection, says Jones, who performed an eyelash implant live on Citytv last month. "It's not painful. People can go back to work four days after the procedure."

His website, www.torontohairdoctor.com , lists possible temporary side effects including purplish discolouration, minor itching and swelling.

"It's not mainstream," says Toronto hair transplant surgeon Dr. Paul Cotterill, president of the International Society of Hair Restoration Surgery, a non-profit medical association of 700 physicians specializing in alopecia and hair loss through both surgical and non-surgical treatment.

"We do it (transplants and implants) because of trauma burns, congenital defects or trichotillomania, the pulling out of hair, usually (common) in young girls," he says, adding he is cautious about eyelash implants done for cosmetic reasons because of possible risks and complications.

His organization "has concerns about infection, scarring, cysts forming, in-growing hairs, infections of the cornea and surgery close to the eye damaging the eye.

"One of the complications could be blindness but there are no good scientific studies because it's not that common in North America," says Cotterill, who has done two eyelash transplants — not for cosmetic reasons — in 22 years.

Lest you be tempted by the ease of permanency, implanted lashes are not maintenance-free.

"Those hairs grow at the same rate as they did at the back of the scalp," Cotterill says. "(Hair) will grow half an inch a month. You have to clip four or five times a month or it will grow to your knees."

Lash implants creep out makeup artist Dino Dilio.

"The part that really kills me is having to trim them every six weeks," Dilio says. "Taking a pair of scissors to your eyes. Yuck!"

False lashes
"What's wrong with good old-fashioned fake eyelashes?" asks Toronto freelance makeup artist Dino Dilio.

Hollywood film director D.W. Griffith has been credited with inventing the false eyelash in 1916 for the film Intolerance. He wanted actress Seena Owen to have eyelashes that brushed her cheeks so a wigmaker wove human hair through fine gauze, which was gummed to Owen's eyelids.

They were good enough for Diahann Carroll, who wears them in duplicate for day and triplicate at night. Dilio first worked with Carroll when she was in Toronto starring in Sunset Boulevard in 1995.

Vanessa Williams, who plays consummate fashionista Wilhelmina Slater on Ugly Betty, has the colossus of lashes. Via email, makeup artist Kate Best reveals the secret to Williams' look.

"First I curl Vanessa's eyelashes with Heidi Klum gold-plated eyelash curlers, then I apply mascara by Kiss Me, in tiny water-resistant tubes, around the lashes. It doesn't run or smudge when using eye makeup remover. It just rolls off.

"Then to add drama, I add 3/4 lashes, #747 black from Friends store. Lashings of mascara top and bottom make a striking, defined eye."

cont'd

Creating Meaningful Homemade Gifts

The gifts we craft with our own hands are often the most significant because the love that drove us to create is infused in the products of our creation. And the recipients of these homemade offerings receive a token of our willingness to invest ourselves in their joy. Allow these ideas to inspire you:

1. When you craft a beautifully decorated prayer box (or jar) for loved ones, you give them the gift of spiritual awareness. As you share this gift, explain that it should serve as a receptacle for their hopes, dreams, and loves—as well as worries—and thus a reminder of who they were, are, and will someday be.

2. If you love journaling, share your writing joy with family and friends by giving each a unique, handmade personal journal. A simple spiral notebook dressed up with paper, fabric, photographs, or other embellishments will give your loved ones a special place to record their private thoughts.

3. Erase the distance between yourself and your far away loved ones by presenting each with a photo journal documenting how your life has changed in the past year. Or introduce them to your locale with a homemade guidebook that highlights everything you love about your town or city.

4. When you sew medicine bags for the people you care about, you can rest assured your gift will always be close to their hearts. A small pouch can be filled with many meditative or symbolic items, such as quartz crystals, sage, or magical objects.

5. A progressive photo album, wherein pictures tell the story of your relationships from the past up to the present, can be a simple yet poignant reminder of the many wonderful experiences you and your loved ones have shared over the years.

6. Give the gift of serenity with a guided meditation you create and record to CD or tape. Your loved ones will take pleasure in being led through tranquil landscapes by the soothing sound of your voice.

7. Hand-crafted ornaments that can be hung on trees, in windows, and on walls afford you an opportunity to surround the important people in your life with beauty. Whether you prefer to work with clay, crystals, fabric, baked dough, or natural objects, your gift can serve as a calming focal point in your loved ones’ homes.

Whether you choose to give a gift or simply share your friendship and love, remember that it is the intention behind the thought that is most important.

For more information visit dailyom.com