Women's Well: Let's Discuss All Topics, Hosted by Oiseau

LISTENING

"Most of us tend to suffer from ‘agenda anxiety’, the feeling that what we want to say to others is more important than what we think they might want to say to us." -- Nido Qubein

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood." -- Stephen Covey

"A professional knows when his or her most effective presentation is not to give one. Do you have clients who are having a bad day? Don't try to sell to them. Do try to listen to them and earn their trust." -- Tom Hopkins

"If you wish to appear agreeable in society, you must consent to be taught many things which you already know." -- Johann Caspar Lavater

RIGHT AND WRONG

You may sometimes be much in the wrong, in owning your being in the right.

Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
Philosopher and statesman

It is better to be approximately right than precisely wrong.

Warren Buffett
Investor and business leader

Guess what time it is? wheeeeeee time for goodies again,

Today's Story

Mother

She dreamed of you from the time she was a little girl cradling a baby doll in her arms. She always saw you playing around the little cottage in her childhood dreams.

She carried you in her body and you made her sick every morning for weeks and weeks. She bore you into the world through intense pain, but when she heard you cry and saw your wrinkled face, she forgot all about it and wept tears of joy.

She fed you at her breast and her whole world revolved around you. She stole into your room at night just to watch you sleep and she was sure you were the most beautiful child on Earth. She set up through the night to bathe away the fever and at breakfast, your dad said, "Sleep well, honey"?, oblivious to the all-night vigil. She somehow always knew when you needed her, even in the middle of the night, and she came to your room and changed your bedding and made sure you were warm and dry.

She covered your ears and gave you your coat and checked your homework and made you practice the piano and sat through all your ball games and recitals like they were the seventh game of the World Series and a debut at Carnegie Hall. She nagged you to brush your teeth with words of wisdom like, "Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you." She changed your diaper and cleaned up when you were sick and washed underwear no one else would touch without a chemical suit. And who do you think always cleaned the gunk out of the kitchen sink and bathtub drain?

She made sure you had the drumstick and your dad had the breast and acted like she preferred the wings. Her oatmeal cookies made you forget the beating you took from the neighborhood bully, or the slow rate of greeting card sales.

She listened to you and didn't laugh when others would have mocked you. She believed in you when you didn't believe in yourself and prayed for you even when you didn't think you needed it. She made you think you could do things you were sure you couldn't do. She was tough enough to call your bluff and discipline you and give you a sense of boundaries and the security that comes with it. She spanked you when "Spocking" was all the trend with lesser mothers. She knew when you needed a spanking or just a nap and she didn't always give you candy though she longed to indulge you.

She was always waiting when you came in late. When you complained about it, she pretended to be asleep the way you always did when you wanted her to carry you in from the car after a long trip.

She read the Bible to you and read the Bible in front of you and did what mothers have to do to make sure the family is faithful in church. She made your dad a much better man than he ever would have been without her. She mended clothes as a labor of love and it broke her heart to see how quickly you grew out of them. She knew you were only loaned to her from God and soon the house would fall silent again. She washed mountains of dishes and truckloads of laundry. She put up food on the hottest summer days and didn't complain.

Her most sincere prayers were the ones she sent heavenward in gratitude for you. She filled your home with fragrance and beauty and music. The smell of her perfume and fresh-cut flowers, bacon for breakfast and Sunday roast. Her eyes were bright and happy and full of life. She wept though, wept and worried a thousand times for you when no one ever knew.

She rose early on holidays so you could enjoy a festive meal and an enduring memory. She planned for days and worked for hours so that in a few minutes, you could gulp it down and go watch football. You didn't always thank her or help her with the dishes, but those meals have been a cherished memory for years.

She baked you special treats just to watch you eat them. Something inside made her happier the more you ate. (If you could see me, you would know this made my mother a very happy woman).

She wore old dresses so you could have a new ball glove. She skipped vacations and second honeymoons so you could go to camp. She limited expenses for her hobbies so you could get your band instrument. She was happy with last year's fashion so you could have this year's tennis shoes. She didn't abandon the family when your dad was insensitive to her needs. She took the blame for your failures and stood back and let your dad have the glory for your successes. And having done all these things and a thousand others that make mother a sacred word, she still felt she wasn't the mother she should have been.

--Ken Pierpont

Let Go And Let Flow
Taking A Leap Of Faith

Many people, in heeding the guidance of their souls, find themselves contemplating goals that seem outrageous or unattainable. In the mind's eye, these individuals stand at the edge of a precipice and look out over the abyss at the fruit of their ambition. Some resist the urge to jump, paralyzed by the gap between their current circumstances and the life of their dreams. Others make a leap of faith into the unknown, unsure of what they will encounter but certain that they will gain more in their attempts than they would bowing to self-protective instincts. This leap can be exceedingly difficult for individuals with control issues because the act of embracing uncertainty requires them to trust that surrender will net them the rewards they seek. Yet when you make a leap of faith, believing without a doubt that you will land safely on the other side, you can accomplish almost anything you set out to do.

There have no doubt been times in your life when you chose to go where the universal flow took you. Yet you may encounter instances in which your objectives require you to step outside of the boundaries of your established comfort zone so that you may freely and actively jettison yourself into a new phase of your life. While you may fear what seems to be the inevitable fall, consider that in all likelihood you will find yourself flying. A successful leap of faith requires your attention, as it is the quiet and often indistinct voice of your inner self that will point you toward your ultimate destination. Understand that the leap across the chasm of ambiguity may challenge you in unforeseen ways but you will make it across if you trust yourself.

If your mind and heart resist, you can dampen this resistance by building a bridge of knowledge. The more you know about the leap you are poised to take, the smaller the gap between "here" and "there" will appear to be. Your courageous leap of faith can lead you into uncharted territory, enabling you to build a new, more adventurous life. Though you may anticipate that fear will be your guide on your journey across the abyss, you will likely discover that exhilaration is your constant companion.

Happy Thanksgiving

A THANKFUL THANKSGIVING by Jim Rohn

You may be wondering why I would call this article a Thankful Thanksgiving. Aren't all Thanksgivings Thankful? Unfortunately, no. As a person who has experienced 70+ Thanksgivings, I recognize that being thankful is something that we have to work at, even on Thanksgiving.

If your home is like most, your Thanksgiving day will be very busy, with either traveling to where you want to go or preparing your home to have others over for the day. Either way, that can be very hectic and emotionally trying, which doesn't lend itself to preparing your heart to be reflective and thankful. In fact, Thanksgiving weekend is the most traveled weekend in America. Airports are full, and not always providing much room for contemplation of your good fortune.

This means all the more that if we want to be the kind of people who are characterized by thankfulness, then we must make sure that we focus on it, and not just on Thanksgiving Day, but at all times during the year.

Here are a few key words as well as some thoughts that are simple and practical to apply; something you can use right away in your quest for becoming more thankful:

Time.

Set aside time regularly to be quiet, to reflect. We live in the fastest paced time ever. From the moment we awake to the moment we collapse into bed, we have the opportunity to go at full speed and never slow down. If we schedule time every day in which we can be quiet and reflect, we will free our hearts and minds up from the tyranny of the urgent and rushed.

Thought.

Give thought to the many blessings that you have. Living in a consumer culture, most of us are fully aware of what we do not have and how we absolutely must have "it". But how often do we reflect upon that which we already have? Take some time each day and think of one or two things that you have that you may typically take for granted and then take a moment and give thanks for those. In fact, I make it a part of my reflection time to review a list of things that I'm thankful for.

Generosity.

Be generous toward those with less and not envious of those with more. We tend to look at others who may be wealthier than ourselves and think, "I sure wish I had what he does." That kind of thinking breeds envy and jealousy rather than contentment. What can we do to break that cycle? I would suggest being generous to those who are less fortunate than yourself. Go to work at a food bank. And not just during the holidays - everybody works there then - but on a regular basis during the year. That will remind you of how good you really have it.

Ask.

Ask a friend what they are thankful for. The next time you are at lunch with a friend, ask him or her what they are most thankful for. You will be amazed at the answers you receive and you will create a meaningful bond with your friends as you focus on this powerful question.

Acknowledge.

Lastly, tell those you love how thankful you are for having them in your life. So many times we neglect to take the time to craft the words to express to those closest to us what their presence in our lives means to us. Take the opportunity of Thanksgiving Day to write them a note or sometime during the day put your hand on their shoulder, look them in the eyes and tell them. Let them know what they mean to you, and in return you'll begin to create the possibility of deeper, richer, more fulfilling relationships with those you love.

Of course we should do what we can to make the most of the day we call Thanksgiving, but wouldn't it be a shame if the only time we reflected on our blessings was that one Thursday in November? And the answer is, of course! So let's do our best to be aware of the many great gifts that we have each and every day of the year. As we do so we will see our hearts soar and our minds will experience more and more at peace as we regularly remember and remain aware of our good fortune.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Spotlight: Artist Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec was born on this date in 1864.

Famous for his colorful lithographs and posters, Lautrec drew the cafés, brothels and cabarets of the Montmartre section of Paris, including popular depictions of life inside the Moulin Rouge. In his short lifetime, Lautrec produced more than 1,000 paintings, 5,000 drawings and 350 prints and posters. An alcoholic, he died at the age of 36.

Quote: "I paint things as they are. I don't comment. I record." — Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec

November 21, 2006
Asking For What You Want
Cocreating With The Universe

Most people don't always fully realize that we all have within us the ability to cocreate our lives with the universe. So many of us are taught to accept what we are given and not even to dream of anything more. But our hopes and dreams are the universe whispering to us, planting an idea of what's possible while directing us toward the best use of our gifts. The universe truly wants to give us our hearts' desires, but we need to be clear about what they are and ask for them.

To ask for something does not mean to beg or plead from a place of lack or unworthiness. It's like placing an order-we don't need to beg the salesperson for what we want or prove to them that we deserve to have it. It is their job to give us what we ask for; we only have to tell them what we want. Once we have a clear vision of what we desire, we simply step into the silent realm where all possibilities exist and let our desires be known. Whatever methods we use to become still, it is important that we find the quiet space between our thoughts.

From that still and quiet place, we can announce our intentions to the pure energy of creation. By imagining all the details from every angle, including scent, color, and how it would feel to have it, we design our dreams to our specifications. Similar to dropping a pebble into a pond, the ripples created by our thoughts travel quickly from this place of stillness, echoing out into the world to align and orchestrate all the necessary details to bring our desires into manifestation. Before leaving this wonderful space to come back to the world, release any attachment to the outcome and express gratitude. By doing this daily, we focus our thoughts and our energy while regularly mingling with the essence that makes it possible to build the life of our dreams.

Daily OM

A Softer Touch
Apply Gentleness To Everything

Throughout life we must cope with blockages that impede our forward momentum. Whether these obstacles are of a personal, professional, or societal nature, our first instinct may be to push against the obstruction. But the simplest way to alleviate resistance is to approach it gently, with a soft manner and kind intentions. Struggle and strife can find no foothold when confronted with mildness because conflict can only exist when fed by two opposing forces. So many areas of our lives can benefit from the application of gentleness. The beauty of gentleness lies in its multifaceted nature. It is part love, part compassion, part patience, part understanding, and part respect for others. When we move through life gently as a matter of course, we naturally attract these wonderful elements into our lives.

This does not mean that gentle people are by nature passive or meek. Rather, their copious inner power is manifested in their gentleness and their choice to move with the flow of the universe instead of against it. You can make use of gentleness in your own life by applying it in situations where you feel challenged by your circumstances or by people in your environment. As you move forward gently, the energy pervading your life will likely shift and, consequently, the blockages before you will vanish. Cooperation progresses smoothly when approached gently because all parties involved feel confident that their needs will be met. And quarrels are easily quelled with gentleness because the dualistic concepts of losing and winning are made moot by our willingness to exercise infinite patience with those whose values differ from our own.

Gentleness must be practiced, as we are inadvertently encouraged to act competitive in certain phases of our lives. At first, your established habits may make being truly gentle challenging. Yet after a time, if you commit to consciously applying gentleness to all areas of your life, whether by collaborating rather than competing or yielding graciously to the impassable roadblocks in your path in order to seek a new road, you will find that you begin to act gently habitually. Your patterns of thought and behavior become ever more peaceful, and you will discover that you encounter far less impassable resistance on your individual journey.

"We'd have more day if we changed our clocks"

Daylight Saving Time ends this weekend across most of the United States, Canada, and the European Union. But we're more interested in how the practice of "springing forward" and "falling back" got its start.

The basic idea is simple. Setting clocks one hour ahead adds one hour of daylight to the end of the day, when more people are awake. And that reduces the amount of energy needed to power lights and appliances. Easy, right? Well, Benjamin Franklin thought so.

Big Ben Meets Will Willett

Franklin first suggested maximizing daylight hours--and so conserving candles--in a whimsical 1784 letter to the editor of the Journal de Paris. Big Ben didn't hit on any clock tricks, though. His proposal, to be taken as seriously (or as lightly) as you want, involved taxing window shutters, restricting nighttime traffic, and ringing church bells and firing cannons at dawn to encourage early rising.

The clock trick we know today came largely from one William Willett, a London builder. The plan he put forth in 1907, in a pamphlet titled "Waste of Daylight," called for everyone to set their clocks forward 20 minutes on each Sunday in April and then to wind their clocks back 20 minutes on each Sunday in September.

"Everyone appreciates the long light evenings," Willett wrote. "Everyone laments their shrinkage as the days grow shorter, and nearly everyone has given utterance to a regret that the clear bright light of early morning, during Spring and Summer months, is so seldom seen or used."

Will Willett Meets World War

Willett's idea got people talking. Unfortunately for him, the talk was mostly about what a harebrained scheme he was proposing. But skeptics' minds changed in World War I, when saving energy was vital. Germany and Austria instituted Daylight Saving Time in 1916. Other countries followed suit, including Britain, which poetically called it "Summer Time."

The United States adopted Daylight Saving Time in 1918, but abandoned it after only seven months because it was so unpopular. Farmers, in particular, never liked the time change, grumbling that early-rising cows and chickens didn't adjust their clocks.

Yet World War II brought Daylight Saving Time back as "War Time." In the United States, clocks were kept one hour ahead of standard time year-round from 1942 to 1945. In England, they were advanced two hours ahead of standard time during the summer and one hour ahead the rest of the year.

U.S. States Meet Uniform Time

After the war, many U.S. states decided to stick with various versions of Daylight Saving Time. But different states--or even towns--changed their clocks on different dates, wreaking havoc on railway timetables and broadcast schedules. So Congress stepped in and standardized the time changes with the Uniform Time Act of 1966. Today, every state but Arizona and Hawaii observes the time change.

About 70 other countries use some form of Daylight Saving Time, too. Japan is the only major industrialized nation that does not. Countries near the equator generally don't change their clocks because they get roughly the same amount of daylight each day of the year.

Michael Himick and Adam Zoll
October 27, 2006